his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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