Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
