Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
