I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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