ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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