my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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