Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
