Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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