Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
