My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
