we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
