I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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