did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
birth control should be required to get into college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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