There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
