I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
