I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
