trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
