I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
