so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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