Don't you send me to vm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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