you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
