you would pick up someone in the library
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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