period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
