There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
