That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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