I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
