Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Alive.
So much puke
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize