There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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