Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
