Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
