I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Randomize
