I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
