I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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