.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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