Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We left the knife in your bed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
