thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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