just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize