YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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