An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize