The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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