I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
