Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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