Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
