why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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