he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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