CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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