i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
