1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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