He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He shit in the fireplace
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
