when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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