He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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