You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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