I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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