Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
