i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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