Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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