I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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