I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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