I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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