i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
