Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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