a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
