Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
