omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
