i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
