I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
