You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
