I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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