Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
