I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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