dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
