Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was like eating out sand paper
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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