he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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