i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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