I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
