you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
