Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
