i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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