Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
