Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
