I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
