i was born a porn star she said
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
