And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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