never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
