I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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