Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
me + whiskey = a bad person
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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