I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize