guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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