They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize