i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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